This picture represents the kind of traffic that I was in last night and again this morning.   You think I’m exaggerating?  I I promise ya’ll that I’m NOT.  Would I lie to my blog family?

I’ve had it!  Vehicle fires, accidents, construction, road closures, stupid drivers, dead animals, debris in the road, alien sightings and any other damn thing you can think of.

Seriously, I have a commute that make most people cringe.  I leave my home at 7am, drop of Little MrTDJ by 8am and get to work by 9am.  Yes, it’s nuts, but it’s been my world for the last year and a half, so I press on.  I love my job with the federal government and I’m blessed that my mother wants to take care of Little MrTDJ on a daily basis.  (Thanks a million MamaTDJ!!)

But, as of this morning, I’m done. I’ve had enough.  Something has got to give.  Either MrTDJ and I have got to move closer to my  mother (have you seen property values in Prince George’s County? Ha!  Yeah son, not gonna we able to sell our house any time soon), my mother has to move closer to us (leave her lovely house on the hill? Ha!  Nah man, not gonna happen) or I’ve got to get another job (don’t like the sound of it, but it’s the only option with any viability – who has contacts in Baltimore at SSA or CMS and wants to help a sista out?)

This is my log of what we encountered today.

6:57 am – LittleTDJ and I hop into the ride, content for different reasons.  I’m smiling because we’re actually early as opposed to late.  It’s only 3 minutes, but you’ve gotta celebrate the small stuff.  He’s humming and kicking his feet because his bottle is exactly the right temperature.  Our cheers and revelry did not last long.

7:18 am – I change my radio from DC stations to Baltimore stations and hear the impending story of doom.  “Vehicle fire in the tube.  Harbor Tunnel shut down in both directions.  I-895 backed up for three miles and delays are building.”  I start to hear a ringing in my ears.  Shit. Although that’s not the route I take anymore since I have to drop off LittleMrTDJ, this means that traffic all around the city of Baltimore will be troubled.

8:11 am – eleven minutes late to drop off the dude.  Why?  Because of a new slow spot for about 2 weeks now.  Some idiots in the Maryland State Department of Transportation decided that it was time to do a construction project.  I know most of ya’ll don’t know the roads I speak of, but try to imagine what I’m describing.  Along the Baltimore beltway (I-695), they’ve decided to take away 1 of the 3 lanes for construction.  Where has this brilliant construction occurred?  Here’s the nutty part – it’s along a pivotal 3 mile stretch where two other major interstates, I-295 and I-95, meet I-695. Can you say traffic hell, every freaking dayWhoo saaaaaa!!

8:14am – Upon passing the dude to MamaTDJ, she suggests that I take I-83 to work, since everyone else will be taking 1-95 as an alternate to the closed I-895.  Great idea MamaTDJ!  I hope back in the car and start traveling the new route that she’s instructed me on.

8:33 am – are you kidding me?  Seriously North Avenue is closed????  There are police cars, traffic cones and yellow crime scene tape.  GTFOH!! I can see the sign to I-83 a half mile or so in the distance.  Nope, gotta detour.  Where in Baltimore is MrsTDJ? Hell if I know.  Get MamaTDJ on the phone and she routes me up Eutaw Place, onto MLK, etc, etc.  She may well have been singing the alphabet song because it was turning into jibberish to me.

8:59 am – I’m starting to laugh because I’m close to my breaking point.  I arrived to MLK and was the 5th car in a line of 6.  What in the sam hell is going on to make me miss 4 lights?  Da fugg????  Finally, my turn.  Shit.  Stuck in the intersection.  I keep creeping up, hoping to clear the crosswalk.  I do, but SURPRISE SURPRISE – MLK is closed!!  Fire engines, smoking bus and news crews.  I call my work buddy AJ and let out a string of curse words that you should never, ever say to your good good girlfriend who loves the Lord as much as AJ does.  (Sorry AJ – keep praying for me, I’m a work in progress!)

9:34 am – AJ knows the city, so she routed me through the Arts District, around by the city courthouse, up toward the biggest and scariest cemetery I’ve ever seen (looks like an old prison, doesn’t it?), back around to I-895 (past the fire) and to work.

9:35 am – Sitting in the parking lot.  I’ve seen more of Baltimore today that I’ve ever cared to explore.  Tired.  Irritated.  Tense.  Unprepared for any stupidity at work.  Yeah right.  Good luck with that.

When was the last time you were in traffic so bad you wish you had a chauffeur?

Or better yet, a space ship like the Jetsons? The show was set in 2062, but I won’t make it that long given my current commuting woes.  Assuming I’m having a good run and am alive in 2062 at the ripe young age of 86, I doubt I’ll be excited about flying cars.  But today?  Damn, I wish they were a reality.

Do you think we’ll ever be zipping around town in flying cars and space ships?

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