I’ve been scarred of cats for as long as I can remember. There is just something about them. The way they sneak around and move without making a sound – Yick! The way their eyes seem to narrow into little slits and look right through you – Yuck! And then, the thing I hate the most is when they arch their backs and point their tails straight up in the air – ARGH!
So, obviously, living in an urban/suburban environment is a big, big challenge for yours truly. People think that it’s “sweet” and “caring” to feed strays and people choose not to spray and neuter their pets, so we’ve got millions of unwanted aka stray cats running around. NOT COOL! If you want kittens, go for it. If you don’t, then control ya animal cause if you don’t they are going to find a friend and do what comes naturally. Everybody need a little love, even the damn cats. Ok, ok, off my soapbox and back to the story.
Let me tell ya’ll about the childhood incident that thoroughly cemented my fear and guaranteed that my future offspring would never be the happy owners of a kitten. Sorry kids, tears won’t help cause Mommy is terrified. Go and play with your goldfish.
I was eight years old and I had a small aversion of cats. I didn’t want one and I would flinch when I walked near one on the street. But all in all, they just kinda scared me. I would classify it as an intense dislike, bordering on fear. Until that day. That day changed everything.
My mother was working with houseplants on our front porch and she sent me into the garage to get a small clay pot for her. I walked around the side of the house and approached the open garage. It was midday, but it was overcast and not very bright out, so the garage was a bit on the dim side. I stepped inside the garage and reached into the right corner for the light switch. But instead, my hand connected with the identical garage door switch and the door began to close. Duh, flip the switch back up and it will reverse direction. Yeah, yeah, I know that now, but at the time, I guess I thought it had to close completely before I could open it again. 
Now, remember, I said that it was kinda dim inside the garage. And the garage door, looked like this, so not much light was getting in. Well, as my eyes adjusted to the darkness and I was turning to face the light switches, a flash of light caught my eye in the corner. And then that flash of light moved.
AAAAHHHHHH!!!! I was trapped in the garage with a cat! A panther! A tiger! A LION!!!! Holy hell, Batman! What to do, what to do, I thought frantically. Rational thought – open the door and leave the garage. Irrational thought – scream bloody murder, have an asthma attack and faint on the floor inside the garage. Let’s go with option B.
So, when I regained consciousness, the first thing that I felt was a pain in the back of my head. Ouch, I thought. My eyes were closed and I just wanted to lay there. My mom had to start missing me soon, although I was the type to get easily distracted from the task at hand and take a few extra minutes to complete the assignment. Anyway, I was hoping that she had heard my scream and would be opening the garage door with her remote within seconds. When the cavalry didn’t come, I slowly opened my eyes. I expected to see the ceiling of the garage, but instead, I was staring into a set of eyes. As I tried to register what was in my line of sight, the beast extended his tongue and licked my cheek like it was a double serving of fresh tuna. I was so scared that I was unable to even scream. I reacted on pure survival instincts, by swinging my left arm and knocking the cat across the room. He landed in a pile of garden tools with a “Meeeoowww, aaaaarrrrrrrwwwwnnnnnn”. I jumped up, began beating on the door to the garage like an insane person trapped in a sanitarium and screamed in long, extended wails like that of an approaching emergency vehicle.
The seconds felt like hours until the garage door began to rise. As soon as I could see the ground outside, I flattened myself into a pancake and slid beneath the rising door. Both of my parents stood there with worried expressions on their faces. I burst into tears and jumped into my father’s arms. My mother peeked inside the garage, realized the source of my distress and closed the door again. My father carried me inside and my mother made me a bowl of ice cream. 
From that day forward, I have avoided cats. I am terrified beyond measure. People who’ve heard this story say, “Oh the cat was worried and just trying to wake you by liking you.” Bullshit, I say, that cougar wanted to eat me! I can’t watch commercials on television that feature cats. I am unable to walk down the pet food aisle in the grocery store. I will not visit a home where a cat lives; none of that, “I’ll lock it in the bathroom/basement/etc”. Those little tigers are smart and I know they can escape when necessary. If I do encounter a cat in my daily travels, I become paralyzed with fear and usually end up injuring the person closest to me with nail marks in their arms and a semi-busted eardrum from my screams. Yes, I know how irrational fear is, but we’ve all got ‘em. Except mine lives on four legs, owns sharp teeth and could beat me in a foot race. What are you afraid of? I won’t laugh, I promise!!
Welcome back. Congrats on the new home and I hope you are doing well after your surgery. Guess you won’t be visiting (I could lock up my cat in the basement- YEAH RIGHT), but I love me my kitty – Socks. He would lick you and insist on a few pets. I don’t want those nails in my arm.
Anyway – glad your back.
Hey Salesdiva, Thanks for stopping by! I’m doing wonderful since surgery.
As long as you love Mr. Socks, it’s all good. No visits for me. 🙂
I giggled my ass off at this post. (sorry)
Poor kitty tryin to assist and caught a left into the damn wall. He prolly walkin around right now twitchin and petrified of humans. LOL
ok for me its spiders. I swear fo god if I see one big enough i’m leaving the WHOLE house fully furnished and lettin his ass pay while I find no living quarters 🙂
Welcome back! You were missed. 🙂
Wow it has been a while. Congratulations on your new home and hope your surgery was a great success.
I really love cats and find their movements to be so graceful and intereting. I hate spiders with a passion. I’m actually scared of them. Not the baby ones or even the daddy long leg spiders but of the spiders featured on those Animal Planet or National Geographic shows.
Jaru and Lucy’s feelings are hurt. Big time. They can’t BELIEVE T-Taya don’t like them. Sniff…sniff.
Hi! I came over from CreoleInDC’s page.
I used to be like that w/ dogs, but I’m warming up to them now. I know a woman who will not even look at a picture of a cat. I had a little fountain on my coffee table that had cats on it. I’d always have to put it away when she came around.
My first time to your site. I’m here by way of monicamingo.com
I don’t like pets at all. The day my son’s beta died??? Oh I didn’t even think twice to flush it.
When you said this part–**The way they sneak around and move without making a sound – Yick!***
YES!!!!!!!! this is exactly the way I feel about them! I cannot stand cats at all. Ewwwwwwww……..
YUCK!!!!!!!!!! oh and they pee on things too. Sneaky and Nasty! Yuck! My favorite are some animal lovers thinking their dogs won’t bite walking them off their dang on leash and their nasty ass cats won’t piss on your ISh. what the heck ever!
ps. great blog. congrats on your home and recovery from surgery!
Congratulations on the new home! I agree that cats are creepy and sneaky. I try to avoid them at all costs.
I’m sorry about your phobia, but, that story was HILARIOUS! I’m Hollerin’ over here! ROFL.
I’m ridiculously afraid of lighting.
You must live in my neighborhood. I have the same problem with stray/feral cats. They pee and crap in my yard and I’m so over it. I called the ASPCA (or whatever the heck they’re called around here) and they suggested I go door-to-door to the neighbors and convince them that we should have a spay and neuter event where the ASPCA would set out traps, catch the cats, S&N them, then return them to the neighborhood.
Um. No. I don’t think so. I want them gone.
Having said that, the only up shot to all these felines is, I’ve yet to see a rat or cockroach around here….
Hola!
By way of monicamingo.com. Enjoyed laughing my tail (no pun) off at your post. I feel the same way about cats and especially (give me a min, ewwwww) RATS!!
Ahhhhh. even hate looking and typing the name. gotta go!!! EWWWW
Poor kitty, trying to make sure you were okay. Funny story though!
Hi @ J, Mel, Tanyetta, JM, Toni and Babs! Thanks for stopping by!
@ J and Babs: So ya’ll are taking his side huh? Trying to make sure I was okay. 🙁 I don’t buy it. *lol*
@ Honest – I don’t like spiders, but I won’t hesitate to smash one.
@ Creole – I have come to like your darlings! Lucy and Jaru are the only dogs I’ve ever spent so much time with. That there tells you something! 🙂
@ Mel – Yep, that fountain would freak me out too.
@ Tanyetta and JM – You understand me!!
@ Sissy and J – It’s ok. My parents still laugh to this day about it. It took me a few years.
I think I’ve been here before, but if not, Monica sent me over. So if I act up blame it on her. The story was hilarious, I’m sorry. LOL. My fear…thunder. I know it’s the lightening we should be afraid of. But me…lightening “oooooh how pretty”, thunder, I am in the fetal position under the covers. I know, I got issues.
I respect that, although cats are precious animals. And they kill mice lol.
Yay, glad to see a new post from ya. Congrats on the new home and glad that you’re doing well after the surgery.
This story was sooo freakin funny! Maury Povich would love to have you on one of his “Phobia” episodes. lol
I am an animal lover (preferably pooches) but I definitely agree people should do a better job of having their pets spade & neutered.
Congratulations on getting your house. I am so happy that surgery went well and that you are doing fine. What a funny story.
hey, my sister is terrified of cats just like you are. for me, it’s dogs. i once cried and wouldn’t speak to my (then)husband all day because he didn’t protect me from the cocker spaniel puppy that licked me in the hallway to our apartment. “but it was a puppy,” he pleaded. “So!”
–www.sweetdaysofsummer.typepad.com
I was attacked by a dog once..still LOVE LOVE LOVE me some dogs…Only THAT particular dog was spawn of the devil.
I’m afraid of closet doors being open when the lights are off. Example: I turn of the light and jump in bed ready to go to sleep. If i notice that the closet door is open I’ll get up and close it. it’s something that terrifies me about having the closet door open. Maybe its the whole boogie-man thing as a child. I don’t know. Hell I’m 25 y/o and still scared. hey..such is life
MERRY CHRISTMAS PUNKETTE!
Wonder where she done went to?
Reblogged this on Just Another Day with MrsTDJ and commented:
Two things prompted me to repost this oldie but goodie. 1) I met an amazing woman at a conference over the weekend who was afraid of all animals. While discussing animals, she called cats, “lions” and I knew we’d be friends forever. 2) I absolutely had an adult tantrum at work because I have deranged co-workers who think it’s cute to feed the stray cats that wander into our parking lot. I’ve been running and scooting for almost a year but yesterday, I had enough. I put my foot down, released a string of not so nice words and promptly received an upgraded parking assignment. Damn cats!!!